does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
