So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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