I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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