He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Watching her eat just hurts me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
