I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
