P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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