I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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