HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
