Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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