Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
