Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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