I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
