suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
