she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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