Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
