I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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