dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
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I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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