Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
