She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
