with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
