That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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