I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
