Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
