Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
