The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
