we're chasing vodka with high fives
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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