i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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