i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
