I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
