before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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