As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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