That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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