i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
