If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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