Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
