i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
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Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
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Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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