There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
