I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
