i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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