so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
