We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
