dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
