exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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