as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
