Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
