Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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