When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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