I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
