and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
