is your mom at the bar?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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