Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
