He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
