Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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