who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
