well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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