I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
