is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I use my feet as sexual weapons
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize