For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
