i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
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its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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